Return of the Sir...

*Sir Bruce walks into a padded room and gently massages the arms of a wooden chair* Sir is a funny person... He likes a joke just as much as the next self-obsessed, mentally demented person. He also likes people - they tend to give him attention, which is always welcome as far as he is concerned. He likes hugs - he even has a weird hug of his own, which is when he gently massages the other persons back with his diamond encrusted talons. They never object... Except for that time an actual living person hugged him, but they had merely screamed out for help with some sort of crimson-coloured water dripping down from gaping holes in their back and kidneys and intestines and things hanging out. No one came to their aid. No one ever comes. That is why Sir has his pet dragon, Fuurk, to keep him company when he is alone. Fuurk is good at accepting hugs, and that's why Sir is often seen hugging 'thin air' in the middle of the corridor... Or, of course, any unsuspecting passers by, but they don't tell anyone - they just run around, shouting, and get put in special rooms, much like the one Sir is in. *Sir smiles*

Sir likes friends - they never mistreat him. They all know what happens if they refuse to scrape the alien lifeforms from between his greening toes. The black and red marks are still burned into the pavement from the last time. Sir dislikes teachers - they know that he can look after himself, but that does not excuse them for failing to give him ATTENTION. Some are better, though... a technology teacher, barrel in shape, a history teacher with eyebrows like a giants 'welcome' mat, and a maths teacher who got the job for being able to count to four while making less than five mistakes.

Sir has no enemies.They know that resistance is futile - Sir is all powerful, all seeing, and all knowing. There is no power in the universe strong enough to disagree with his mind - how can you argue with that look? Wide eyes without raising the eyebrows, long thin mouth, and head tilted slightly to one side. He can outstare anything - even the sun blinks under his pressure.(This is mainly due to the suns tendency to disappear behind the horizon but it is not recommended to tell him so)
*Sir Bruce is taken out of the room to an armoured vehicle to another place, where the people are adequately trained to cope with such a creature...*

Introducing Sir Bruce and co.

Sir Bruce *I* is proud to introduce... himself. For many reasons, most unknown even to himself, he is a Sir. Bruce is just something that comes with the package, so tghat should be ignored. He must always be referred to as 'Sir', 'father', or 'vodbog'. Vodbog is his other *female* half, so be careful when using it. He likes cheese and other fatty foods, such as lard, and genetically modified vegetables. Ah, and that leads him on to another thing... He is a genetically modified hoover from a planet named "Foi", which, incase you haven't noticed, stands for "Figment of Imagination". He has many a son and daughter, although the mothers are unknown. His 'real' family live far out in the remote regions of West Wales, where the wind is used as a way of travel from town to town, and the rain is a constant, brilliantly grey screen across the vision. Of course, this does not affect him because he is *cahem* SIR BRUCE, LORD OF THE BLACK HOLES, AND DESTROYER OF ALL THINGS MARGINALLY OKAY. Anyway, he has a sister, a twin brother, three foster brothers, a half brother, and a half sister. He has one friend named Lord Frederick, but he is not as important... Sir goes to school like any other child, and spends his time scaring those who are young and fresh into being like he - mad. Some reject him and walk away, saying 'weirdo', but the cool ones come and hug him and feed him and go 'HOOOOORRRR' with their hands waving about in the air. Even he had to admit that that's pretty cool... "Wohhhh"